I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
