It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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