Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
