college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dicks are not precious.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
