My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
