I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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