I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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