No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
