if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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