I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
