Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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