i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
