I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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