Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So vagazzling was a success
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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