Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
