We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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