as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
