i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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