Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
