You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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