he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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