We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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