Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
