my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
