you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
