Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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