Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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