I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
