Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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