Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
