We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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