he thought i was a dude.
im holly from the hills drunk
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
