i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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