Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
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