Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
