Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
