I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
