Soap is not a condiment
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
