There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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