my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
