Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
