butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
