none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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