I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
