WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
