I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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