note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
