dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
