I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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