come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
