I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
