please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
