never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
