I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
