it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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