i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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