just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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