I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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