I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
