Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
