Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
