I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize