Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
