i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
