I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
