What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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