I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i love accidental penises.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
