So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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