break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
