Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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