just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
