I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
