Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
