There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Farmville is her only friend.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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