Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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